Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
