So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
