Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
