the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
