how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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