so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
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