guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
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We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
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