The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
