They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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