Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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