You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
