70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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