first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
