i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
