it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
