i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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