idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
