we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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