i just had sex bonerless
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
