She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
