Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize