I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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