Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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