his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
