You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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