Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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