It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
