He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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