Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Bang-toberfest begins!!
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
The feeling are messing with the penis
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
