Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
