I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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