OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
