I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
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