I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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