i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
