I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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