trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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