I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
