just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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