The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
