Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
God gave him joint rollers for hands
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
