are you still at the devil's house?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
