He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
