Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
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So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
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there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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