it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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