well most of my day revolves around power hour
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
