508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Randomize
