i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
