i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
