this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
