lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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