my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize