so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
