Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Randomize
