am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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