Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
