Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
