i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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