I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
