I accidentally had phone sex last night
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
