What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
