upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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