you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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