Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
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