it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
